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Hi Everyone! I hope everyone is OK during this severe weather that many of us in the States are experiencing. Thankfully I'm unaffected but I am thinking of everyone who is dealing with it. I just wanted to say that I've been thinking through my content strategy and have a path forward. I look forward to sharing more details and updating my blog next weekend. I appreciate all of the support so far. :-)
So each of these videos, at this point - has a unique story about how they were captured. The stories always revolve around the same topics: overcoming obstacles. Today's filming? An absolute disaster. Actually, why don't we upgrade it to a 'disastrophe.'
I was trying to get a great view of this natural area because I was there previously on a hot summer day, where grey skies illuminated the green landscape so perfectly. There was absolutely no storm forecasted, just high cloud cover, so I went for it. First I was interrupted by people walking by. I didn't mind that because they were very kind and wanted to know about what I was doing. Then about half way through filming and I am not making this up at all - there were absolute BLASTS. There is either a nearby quarry or demolition…on a Saturday. Are you kidding me?
I really think the ending was the absolute best, a storm rolled in (of epic proportions) when no storm was forecasted. I don't think I ever ran to my car so fast or was pelted with rain so hard. I was actually cracking up as it was happening, and I'm still laughing about it.
But honestly - even though it's not the length I want & a bunch of things went sideways - this is actually the highest quality content I've produced yet. That's something to be proud of. The reality is two fold: If I plan to create a long form video, I need to get out there before the entire earth wakes up (i.e. 4-5am), and I think I should redirect some of my focus to short form content. I do have a plan forming and more posts I want to make….so watch this space for updates per usual. In the interim, I hope you've enjoyed what I've put together below...
I think the excitement for me about all of this, at this point, despite the many setbacks, is that I'm learning more and more each week and seeing progress each week. It keeps me going when I think others would have given up.
Also - with pride month on the horizon, I wanted to share this tidbit. I just heard the saddest story in the world today about how some people can't be out or "out yet", so they can't be honest with others about who they are. That is so horrible and I feel so sad. Like I never even THOUGHT about that because of how 'progressive' our society is. I have always lived with such authenticity in all areas, and I just couldn't imagine being anything but or having to suppress. I feel so sorry that anyone has to/or has had to experience this, and I hope our world becomes safer for us all everyday. I'm always here to listen and provide support to anyone, regardless of topic. I'm grateful to those who have been that person for me.
Anyway, I'm off to drink a matcha (I have to share this recipe I put together for a protein boosted macha), listen to some ambient music, and plot my plans for how I am going to handle content going forward…
Moments before rain view of the meadow area
Highly recommend as a healthy swap when you want a treat!
Spent so much time in this room growing up. It was such a treat to get to visit again.
This story has to do with the dam video that comes up if you scroll down on this page a bit. So I think everyone knows the goal for these videos isn't for them to get a lot of views or even for monetization. It's just to get the videos in as many people's hands as possible to help the world 'collectively chill' and to expand the world a little bit for those w/access concerns. What I've found is that apparently hour long videos/loops do better. So, to try and generate something like that - I went out early to capture the dam. I got there before everyone else, thought I was going to have quiet and get close to an hour of content to work with. Despite showing up early, doing everything right, etc... there were like 5000 interruptions... capturing a full interruption free or close to it 60 minutes became impossible.
I was really angry inside, but being a 'perspective person', the next thing you know, I found myself smiling. Why? I realized that nothing is EVER going to be perfect - no matter how much you prepare, choreograph, etc. I think we're all hung up on trying to do things perfectly or make things perfect or say the perfect right thing to people. In reality - it is JUST never going to be that way. My 30th birthday is coming soon, and I think certain milestones trigger a 'life review' for all of us. I think without previously realizing it, the message of my life has really been to 'do things before you are ready/before conditions are perfect', to 'take the risk, take the chance, make the change, fight for what you love, tell the people you love that you love them.' Or in a more creative sense: 'post the video, drop the mixtape, send the important email, start the business, send the proposal, etc etc.' It all boils down to courage, and I do believe that's why I'm having so many 'wins' in other areas of my life right now - because I am absolutely doing things before I'm ready/before they are perfect.
This is what I hope people remember when I’m gone (no I'm not gonna die any time soon!), and take inspired action because of it. The fact that you showed up and did the thing you said you were going to do, even if it is a promise you made just to yourself, or something you told yourself? HUGE. That’s what makes ripples. It's kind of like when I was having chest surgeries. The last reconstruction attempt I had many years ago, I decided in my mind that it was going to look how it was going to look and if it wasn't 'perfect' oh well.... and that was the one that WORKED!
So anyway, I sat at the dam for the whole hour, and got the content that I said I was going to. Despite 9000 interruptions. Despite doubting myself that it would be right or good enough. I think what I did (so far) is pretty good. I might give it a reattempt in the future. This mindset came in handy with the peony video because that was a NIGHTMARE. And they didn't allow tripods either (if you can believe it!). I am working on some new strategies to get these videos because I have new content that I want to shoot plus a huge archive of stuff that needs to be gone through. For example, I have easily a few hundred videos that would make GREAT YouTube shorts.
Nature is a great teacher. I think that is why I truly make it a point to be out in nature at every opportunity, besides just recharging. All of the beauty lies in imperfection, like for example, I took some time away from all of the people I talk to on a regular basis, this year, to consciously reset. While I was worried about hurting everyone's feelings, not only was everyone supportive, but when I reconnected, so many people wanted to apologize for things that happened in the past -- even if they were many years past. I guess separation causes reflection. You know what my response was to all of that? 'It doesn't matter. Let's just keep going from here.'
A friend from school that I chill with, she always wants to do many things in one day and spend a lot of time. I felt so bad because we have had such a nice friendship, but I felt like she wasn't 'hearing' me that I just need shorter, more focused hangouts, rather than anything elaborate. I really truly am a solitude seeker. I thought consciously I was going to have to move on, and felt very bad about it... we met up for a quick museum trip and ended up unexpectedly chatting in the most beautiful hidden garden in town. Text messages after, due to that unexpected garden discovery, finally opened the door for her to 'realize' how I need/like to do things... and it breathed fresh air back into the friendship (we originally connected over short focused hangouts many years ago)... imperfection strikes again.
I'm truly grateful for everyone in my life and everyone who enjoys my videos/this page. I hope everyone is enjoying the end to the Memorial Day weekend! I'm still at home relaxing, reading, and chilling... perfect way to round off this weekend!
Finally got this updated! Thank you for your patience. I have a reflection/thoughts post of sorts that goes along w/this content that I'll type out and add in the morning...so looking forward to another great day relaxing at home in this perfect weather. Note: you might have to force a reload or totally exit/restart your browser to get my new changes to show correctly.
Loved this view... might have to make a video here
A pic from my archive of the dam from a different angle and in a different season.
Coming to this family owned peony farm every year for a few hours to reset/recharge has been a tradition for a while now. It is expansive with multiple fields. It's hard to capture in just a few images...
Shortly after the 1:11 mark you can see a bird fly out from one of the peonies on the left to fly further down the row
Sneak peak of what's on the way... I had a GREAT time recharging my batteries at the farm this morning... home now and looking forward to spending the rest of this weekend relaxing, editing and posting content, and reading...
No I didn't forget about this space - it just turned into a busy week. Really early tomorrow (Sunday 5/25) morning (aka like 6am, and back by mid-morning) I'm going out to shoot some nature content and then I'll be home for the rest of the weekend - relaxing, reading, editing, and posting... look forward to sharing! :-).
I did not forget about updating this page... look out for it in the next few days
A: Honestly - this has been the year of 'habits' for me... some have had bigger impact than others... I could easily do an entire post on how much going analog has really led to big gains across the board. Not only that, but it also brought something back info my life that I completely forgot about - my joy of collecting/finding cool stationary. I just filled up the minerals notebook below, and just got the caves notebook (with black pages... gel pen time!) and I am excited. I also, obviously, love the notebooks on cognitive surplus :-)
This song, and the album that goes with it is sooo peaceful and soothing.
A: Thank you! So it is Quiet Town! But now for the big sad, the color is discontinued - it works so well for my set up bc the color exactly matches all tile work in the bathroom. I absolutely love their sun shower line bc it gives the look similar to say having a shower door/window thing without actually having that. Makes a bathroom seem bigger, which can be helpful depending on size. Thanks for the unique ask :-)
Gorgeous scenes like the above will always make me think of quiet, ambient songs like this one... I love gentle and ambient music and it often plays in my head when I'm out in the woods. Hania Rani and the On Giacometti album have been like the find of the year...
I know I've been super quiet lately, so I wanted to post some updates as I know the initial views of this blog are going to be from those who already know me.
1.I have totally overcome my medical condition. It's a thing of the past. That bad flare of a few months ago was apparently one last big flare as part of my body 'adjusting' to becoming normal. Also - no cancer! I feel very lucky and grateful as I'm told my decision to go down the integrative medicine path lead to this outcome.
2. I did leave Chris behind and would appreciate it if everyone stopped asking about it. The cliff notes version is that I walked away because I'm highly independent and need to be in a relationship with someone who is not clingy and values their own independence. I love having things of my "own" outside of any relationship I am in (i.e. hobbies, experiences, trips, etc). Having someone who also feels that way is ideal. Another pain point was how quickly the relationship was moving and how public it was. Those of you close to me know how private I am about individual friendships and past relationships & how important independence is for me. Moving forward, I would love to be in something that is ultra private. Like for example, I deliberately didn't tell the world about a relationship I was in for a year because I just wanted us to have time on our own to build a strong foundation and to choose when, how, and if to go public together. I think in the social media world of today, people are just too public. There has to be separation between your life, your partner's life, your hobbies, career, job, etc… and which of those things you share publicly - and when. It's all about privacy & timing & self-control.
3. 2023-2024+ was totally my grief era. There were things I needed to grieve, but then I was also hit with the unexpected deaths of close friends my own age, also too many changes in my personal life at once, etc. All of that combined definitely led to some of my interactions and reactions being different than normal. Another big piece was, I sought "support" as anyone would do when confronted with grief and it just was not the right fit. I know it's been hard to understand why I've been so quiet, but transformation requires silence to do that inner work.It's been excellent getting back to normal, back to what I enjoy, and back to what matters to me.
Two things I wish I would have realized sooner: (1) That the change, as someone who values their independence, of going from being an independent contributor who can implement their "big ideas" to create lasting and impactful change to being in a role where you can't do that can be very jarring and trigger you to act in ways that aren't true to your independent nature. It leaves you feeling alien. There's absolutely an adjustment period for sure; you will get through it... & (2) What it would take as part of my grief era, as someone who was raised Catholic, to take responsibility for & learn to live with the fact that I'm bi and that it was something that has always been there…Someone very close to me put it well - "You are just about people and that's what it is. It doesn't need a label." I actually highly prefer this description.
Looking forward, I'm excited for the future, and am grateful for all the support I've been shown along the way.
P.S. - Thanks for all the reaching out re: my parents 40th wedding anniversary..for those asking about the gift, I got locations that were important over the past 40 years 3d printed as ornaments. I started with the place they met, the church they got married in, their first home, and current home. They loved it! Here's me holding the print of the church they got married in, in my hand so you can get an idea on size. You can also kinda see the print of their first home too, in the background on the left.
